Are you looking for a quick laugh or a witty remark to brighten up your day? Our collection of funny quotes might be helpful for you! From classic humorists to modern-day comedians, our curated selection of hilarious quotes is sure to leave you in stitches. So sit back, relax, and let the laughter begin!
50+ Funny Senior Quotes to Make You Laugh
1. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
2. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
3. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
4. “Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.” – Albert Einstein
5. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
6. “Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
7. “Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.” – Mark Twain
8. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
9. “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
10. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
11. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
12. “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
13. “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown
14. “I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to load the film.” – Unknown
15. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
16. “I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on disk somewhere.” – Unknown
17. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.” – Groucho Marx
18. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
19. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
20. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
21. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
22. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
23. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
24. “We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” – Unknown
25. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
26. “If at first you don’t succeed, then redefine success.” – Unknown
27. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln
28. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
29. “I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
30. “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
31. “I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” – Unknown
32. “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but then again, if you’ve never loved at all, you wouldn’t know the difference.” – Unknown
33. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain
34. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
35. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.” – Unknown
36. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
37. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield
38. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
39. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
40. “Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.” – Unknown
41. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
42. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
43. “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” – Groucho Marx
44. “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis
45. “Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.” – N.F. Simpson
46. “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski
47. “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker
48. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown
49. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski
50. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.” – Hector Berlioz
51. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – Groucho Marx
52. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
53. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
54. “There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” – Oscar Levant
In conclusion, we hope our collection of funny quotes has helped to entertain you and add a little humor to your day. So, the next time you need a good laugh, check out our collection of funny quotes and start laughing!
